1. |
Emmaus
03:07
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Seeing spots again by the kitchen sink
chuckle nervously in disbelief
weeks of blacking out, I wake up on the street
check my pockets, hope I have my keys
you declared your exit in some machine
and so did I, clutching to the screen
I swept my hair off the stoop and I went to sleep
I bet you thought I wouldn't blink
but sure, I skipped a beat, I batted a lash at what happened
did we make a deal not to
i look back at what you always thought was old fashioned
and I realize now it was true.
Every road's a chain, holy or a stain
Jesus looks the same to everyone
something to believe, to get you through the week
to forget the plans that have been undone
if I see your resurrection with my two eyes
I'll invite you in for a meal
but if you rot in that tomb that we laid you in
will I just tell myself it was real
what I felt in the deepest reach of despair is my wagon
I pile everything inside
and head West in a desperate attempt to find balance
but that symmetry
is a crutch that I use just to get me through
as if order would bring you back
I swing and slam back the door
I stamp on the floor
my will barrels through the corridor.
When I make it out, something in me has changed
I returned from San Francisco
with an oyster shell
I left my being there
my heart sank like a diving bell.
I look everywhere for your footprints within the dirt
I hum as the memory swarms
back when you were warm
I still shiver at the thought of it
I will never feel that good again.
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2. |
Concrete Father
05:02
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Concrete father, how about a new start
my days kinda sift through the violent wave of hands
no fossil remains
there are steps setting bad precedents
what was once such a handsome disguise
parts ways with the lungs and the name,
how do you recall years that are nothing now
lines on the kitchen wall
reveal no age, only a son that's gone
toss that light in this hole
grind your feet down into stumps of bone
lay down in this pit and breathe in.
Concrete father, desperate I've become again
ain't no stop to the spinning
one foot off the bed
just to feel some control
to feel magnetic North's sorcery
there you'll be passing your smoke to me
wisps of iodine on my lips
this cycle on repeat vows to renew itself
the tape rewinds and then plays again
I've built a fortress in its undertow
wade through carnage and flames from this year
browbeating every breath
hold this lamp to your ear, whisper a wish to it.
Holy cauldron, stir the slumber
wake me up
I can't tell if I sleep
or if the engine turns but don't run
the set shifts places, the events don't change
I try to alter the future but it always ends
in these chains, in this cage.
Chisel into stone, carve out a revenant
a marble ghost at my open door
grace my room like a star over Bethlehem
a song of light pouring in
two white arms holding me up again
cultivate the unknown, filter the pain through it
son, transform into brick, pray to the covenant
you made to bridled horns
when the lawn is your bedpost.
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3. |
Batalle (Continuum)
03:43
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The helicopter filmed you as you jumped off of the bridge
two policemen reaching for your jacket
it took all of the circumstance to do you in,
I hope that as you plummeted, you began to change your mind
you looked around for signs, you shrugged and let them flow
I hope you thought of everyone on your way down,
to sleep is to be dead
I bring to life what you lost just then
paper boats float down the cannery-side of the city,
beside your building.
The second that you hit, the laugh track echoed in the kitchen
your mother's cooking supper by the television
the neighbor in his underwear, yelling at his wife
the smell of being lost out there like charcoal in the leaves
cut up summer jeans, reckless without burden
I hope you caught a whiff of that driving through the street.
That's a bet, put my chips all in
I took for granted almost everything
it's hard to really say
I watched in horror from a hospital bed
there is no end, no end, you see
only mystery,
the place where you must be.
The water popped your body as my cigarette went out
I felt the shiver that rooster feels at first light
a reminder of his lot in life, that this is not a dream.
I wanted to believe that you had figured out a plan
that you were coming back, that you'd see out the journey
I hope you said the password, the moment of impact.
What happened to you then?
I only sleep when I don't think of it
when I sleep you still exist
although we mean nothing in the scope of things
it makes no difference but I hope
that you thought of me
when you brought that last run home.
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4. |
Loudhailer
05:12
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Dust changed
youth wanes every chance that it gets
I'll wait and hang on like a ghost in its ship,
in-between your life and mine
there's a vein that pumps its blood
and somehow it lives in the pit of my gut.
In two, split the body down, I gag at the sound,
long hair and nails,
a tin box with some pictures, I just can't bear to look,
wait in my mail.
A hard shake,
my god is a miserable snake
cassettes and dimebags at the foot of the bed
when I get sick, the lamp turns bright
when you enter, the cats go wild
my room is a chamber of absolutes.
What's true when the life I live is just piss and booze
how do I do much else when each month just beats
my heart black and blue
goddamn you.
The days change
for better or for worse, I can't say
it's just beige
I don't care of anything that takes place
there's a sapling taking root
this autumn better repay what's due
how soon until this husk of a man takes his shape?
Like you, I was ripped away, like bark off a tree
like skin off knees
in two, split the body down, divide at the seams
I can't look
what happened to you?
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5. |
Iman Extraño
03:11
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Built in a swamp with an open mouth
shaped by the horseshoes and the hunting ground
rooted in superstition
ruined dirt always leaves an impression
un color extraño
one look forward, one behind you
these two men inside me both want war
a cave-in, crushing me gradually.
Dead in a year, among other things
it's nice just to hear you describing them
born into your possession
in your bed, counting down when I'll see you again
ante up, lose my hand
wince and pay
fester in high dudgeon all through the day
but you were an icehouse in the dead heat of May.
Rinds cut in slices in the living room
a bird in the hand and one in the coop
a flash in the pan, over and over again
I recognize the sleight of hand
unearthed from the dirt fields you worked
I am The Beast and I witnessed something magical
un iman extraño
all my plans dead by high noon
I don't know who I am without you
a cave-in, I'm caving in again
over and over again.
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6. |
Horse Opera
03:33
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Familiar loops on the table
a galloping troupe touring April, I cradled the flame
I fell into love like a major
sinks into a minor, then carries ahead
but I found it's a swing, a parabolic joust
if I suffer, I do it in-house
a mouse in a glue trap, held captive in a crown
if I could trade my feet
for a few days, for another Halloween
I can hear you say
"It's just a lifetime, go on, wait it out
you'll find I never left your side
by sunrise, it'll all seem a dumb dream."
You lived every day like a sailor
following the wind and waves for a good time
I rode into this town like a failure
whistling a tune on a horse, getting dirt in my eyes
by nightfall I just want to float
on your boat on the tide and head North
until the land turns to ice
and the broken eyes of the Lord
turn their stare to the street
that we lived on when the gutters got too clean
at 1816
I don't care if I'm hungry
we don't need any money
we thrived in our lost urban gully
as ugly as sin
but a source of repair
we grew up there, we grew out our native hair
I shouldn't have left.
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7. |
Broken English
05:22
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Do what you want, I'm invincible
draw the plans, leave them there for the "Shipbuilder"
'cause me, I was tossed in a carousel
and I came out dizzy
while you were climbing up the fire escape
I was gathering the clues
that you were nothing more than a figure at my door
or an anchor cast ashore
when I was thrown overboard
you can lend me a hand
lift me, promise all that you can, tempt me
for a second there, I was vulnerable
I forgot everything as I dipped in
no sin in beginning again
there's traces of you still within my language
deep within my English.
Free as a stone on a riverbed
dressed all in white like a pastry chef
I drove on a lark to the country's edge
and I thought of dying
look down at the village, tell me what you see
a glimpse of what the future can bring
you were nothing more than a skeleton with clothes
I was too ashamed too look
I hold your blocky hand
it now is real, can I face it like a man
I can be strong
for a second there, I was not at all
I forgot how to use my legs
there's no shame in sitting down if you can't stand
there's traces of you deep within my being
speaking when I can't talk
in my broken English.
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8. |
Sleepwalker
04:26
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Still grieving his lost master
two shades of a red in a spin
and when I think of it now,
it almost seems to form a ring
a quiet believer
living for the light in your eyes,
the times you wore it thin.
Some days I'm here, some I'm gone
doing just enough to pretend
even if I don't die
doesn't mean I'm gonna live
a sack of ash breathing
either way I'm toeing the line
I'm trying to go straight again.
Walking in circles, dreaming
of drinking a beer at your desk
how you wanted that life
a wild horse running through the strath
a raw length of freedom
instead of getting drunk by the stove
a day we will forget.
I come to in a hotel lobby
halfway through a sentence I think
when I look around
I see how low a man can sink
a stone in the ocean
maybe I can change overnight
a walk is all it takes.
Now it is dawn, orange light filters in
I can see everything
rags hanging off, off of your skeleton
well you're still alive to me
a cramp in the dark, this age of discovery
it became a guillotine
a world made of walls, a marvel of masonry
degenerate symmetry
now that it is dusk, your skin is enveloping
my hands feel coughed on
tame this wanderlust, you home is a ball and chain
a prison of bone and breath, of foam and flesh.
A long afterglow, this temple is whispering
the hum of a libertine
I chose growing old over your fantasy
but oh how I long to be
a spark in your cold and empty reality
do you see a light in me?
Bare as a bone, a heart made of ivory
weathered by a losing streak,
now that you are gone, there's nothing here left for me
now that you are gone
how deep have you sunk, I can't live for both of us
show me how to be something, anything.
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9. |
Fugue States
05:06
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My mailbox is crammed full of postcards
I've been gone for a while
I can't help but long for the city, for the stress of the miles.
I remember the last time we had spoken
you had that look in your eye
you burned the bridge as you crossed it, leaving nothing behind.
Nine hills and a lottery
a culture unlike my own
into the ash heap of history, we are swept in as bones,
as if from a great distance
a voice like mine can be heard
you shrug it off as illusion, just ahead of the curve.
I might appear insincere
but it's all int he way you think about me.
I couldn't stick to my instincts
they led the wrong way
you heard me fixing the engines
midnight take me, Jesus take me
'cause it's wrapped around like a Turin shroud
everything that I believe makes no sense now
if you had the best intentions
how can I live knowing I let you down.
I had one foot in the levee
you had your ear to the ground
you suffered more for your family than your body knew how
I knew the days were taking a toll on you
I was nothing but graffiti
I shake my head, I bite my nails
every day, I step foot onto the terrace.
The parade crept by, I wanted to leave
but I could never believe it could be so easy.
The change of pace was a good one
I stormed the city, you should have seen me
I saw my youth disappearing
God's black machete resurrects me
it hacks away, but I don't feel safe
just keep on thinking about the good old days
the lies we told were common ground
whatever happened then means more somehow
each coming day is just a countdown now.
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10. |
The Presence of a Light
05:39
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Don't be scared, it's a garter snake
it's the kind of life we don't have to take
the grass that grows around your old estate
is a symbol of the times
where were you when I was an animal
running by my side
where was I when you were enveloped in
the presence of a light?
Where was I?
Climbing snowbanks on New England streets
chasing happiness the best I could each week
now that's an idea we can put to sleep
'cause it's just a waste of time
now I'm just a shell, I'm a dried up well
I have no spine that I can wear
this year was blinding, a battle no point fighting
it stripped your family bare.
Sitting silent in a long white chair
your mom recounts her dreams like a pledge or a prayer
"His life's inside me and his long black hair
is woven into mine
like a hurricane I could never tame,
you knew him more than I,
I wish that he would call me just like he used to
and say 'Mama, I'm fine'".
Almost a year now and Thanksgiving's soon
I'm a man de-natured , just a lamp inside a room
clusters of whirling smoke absorb the noon
you know, a black hole can't be white
if its will to die trumps its urge to survive
but that's no way to live a life
as dark as mine's been, you always managed to be
a presence of a light.
I follow the footsteps to the entryway
two olive trees and lamp stands guard the city's gates
just like you, in sack cloth, mossy gray
ascend without a flinch
be the lightning bolt, ride the tornado
touch my forehead on your way
become the fire as you leave the night behind you
I'll never know a man as brave.
Love leaves its stitches only to remind
how fleeting time is when you are preoccupied
it's so important working nine to five
until that early morning call
I have learned to live like I lost a limb
your worth is measured in our lives
I'm proud to have known you
and to have been a witness to
the presence of a light.
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